Well here it is - with due credit to my good mate Dommie Dave for filling in the blanks.
BEACHCOMBER'S TALES FROM THE DAY - MARCH 2015
“Dommie Dave, Brian Rocket & the Norwegian Fish Canning Heiress”
This is a true “life” Tale, which is placed timewise towards the end of the first wave of the Café Racer era.
The recollections were prompted by an impromptu catchup with my old riding buddy from the sixties – Dommie Dave. It’s fair to say that although there were no “cliques” as such, some of us had become really good mates – as well as riding buddies.
Dave was one of those close mates and as his moniker would suggest his passion was Dominators [ oh yes – and women ]. Never a contender for top speed honours up the lay-bye, Dave came into his own on the twisty bits, of which there were loads around rural Essex where we were based. He built a series of extremely rapid Dommies, mostly 500cc versions and some 600s. It was the 500’s that had become notorious in our crowd, being beautifully crafted in the true 60’s Café Racer style. 3 or 5 gallon Manx tank, seat, clip-ons, rearsets, Borrani rims, etc.,etc.
At the time of this tale one of our crowd [ Brian Rocket ] had just lost his licence due to the latest speeding infringement – 90 mph in a 40 zone! He took the downtime [ 3 months ] to chrome just about any metal part on his Rocket – more of him later in the Tale. For my part, I still had the ex. Bob Mac Constellation, which by this time had been Café Racered [ a “Production Race” bike when I bought it ] and held the honours of top bike up the lay-bye.
As stated in previous Tales – Dave was something of a Babe Magnet, who didn’t have to try too hard to win the object of his desires - sometimes fleeting, ie one night stands. Dave like the rest of us always put in an appearance up the lay-bye and off to various Essex Caffs at least once a week. Thursday was “our” regular night, and in the Summer Friday was the night to set up plans for the weekend. Thursday was the natural choice as it generally followed the Wednesday Brands test and tune where we could try out new parts and set ups.
Dave had been missing for a few weeks from the regular test day and the Thursday night do, so we decided to call round his house to check him out. Dave wasn’t in, but his Mum [ most of us still living at home ] told us he had a new girlfriend and was spending a lot of time with her. That was most unlike Dave, as his little “Black Book” was bulging with eager partners, and it was quite usual to see him with a different bird every time he put in an appearance. This caused even more intrigue – what sort of bird could keep Dave to herself for that length of time ?
We soon found out ……………… Dave turned up at a Brands Hatch test day with a stunning statuesque Blonde – not only visually stunning, but she had some sort of weird accent that made her even more outstanding – OK – fuckable.
Her name was Anja and she was Norwegian – hence the accent. She was indeed the stereotypical “Norse Goddess” from head to toe, and all the important bits between. She was a student at the L.S.U. [ London School of Economics ], and had an appartment in a swanky part of London. Dave was very reticent about filling us in on her background – but she took a shine to me – later stating it was my Flame Red hair and beard that put her in mind of her Viking ancestors !!!!! So whilst Dave was doing his thing on the track – I came in early to find out more about her. She soon confided that she was in England at her Father’s wish to study for her Economics and Business degree, which had one more term to run, then she was back home to Norway.
When pushed further – she told me that her Father owned a fish canning company, in fact – the largest in Norway ! Her time at the LSU was to prepare her for a role in the company – and eventually inheriting the business.
Now then, I don’t know if you are familiar with Jarvis Cocker’s “Common People” ? If not check it out, actually check out William Shatner’s version. But she was the bird from that song. In other words – she was quite happy slumming it with our crowd for the experience. Either that or she was a shagaholic.
It wasn’t long before Dave got bored [ ?? ] with her and was seen with some of his usual female gang. Always one to keep his options open, Dave was still seeing Anja, but it wasn’t long before he got found out. Actually it came about as a result of him standing her up a couple of times and she decided to check him out.
Imagine our surprise when she turned up unannounced at a Brands test day. Nobody realised it was her at first when this leggy blonde got out of a 911S Porsche [ her 911 ]. Dave – as usual – had one of his pussy posse with him for the day, and was caught Red handed ! She went over and gave him a mouthfull of Norse obscenites, kicked him in the bollox and came over and asked me if I’d take her to the Brands Driver’s / Rider’s Clubhouse. C.O.O.L.
Dave was still in some serious pain [ she WAS a big girl ] nursing his bollox as we drove off to the Club House. Now, whether it was to spite Dave or whether she was into me [ I like to think the latter ] she made it quite apparent we had some unfinished business and invited me to a party the following weekend at her appartment.
I called her the day before to ensure it was still on – and not some Dave backlash. I thought I’d best check on the dress code as it was in a REALLY posh part of London – and she insisted I came along in my usual bike gear. Jeans, denim shirt and leather jacket. The only nod to a normal dress code – was the Chelsea boots instead of the more normal bike boots. Oh yes, and to bring an overnight bag [ what the fuck’s that !! ]
On arrival outside her appartment there was an assortment of some very tasty cars, but only one other bike and several scooters. Yes, it soon became obvious that myself and the other biker [ Matchless CSR ] were the token “oiks” from the other World they didn’t normally see. Check out “Common People” again [ do yourself a favour - Shatner’s version.] However, it was just as obvious that she had to “show me off” to her rich mates as a “bit of rough”. Did I care? Did I bollox – as long as there was some horizontal jogging at some stage in the proceedings.
I had expected all “studenty” type peeps, but most were her Father’s business associates Sons and Daughters – also sent to England for “finishing school” – both life school and business studies. I had never been at a party at this level before – superb food and more alcohol than our local pub ! Around 1.00 am the theme tune from “The Vikings” film [ Kirk Douglas / Tony Curtis ] came on and this was the cue for all the males to go off to one of the bedrooms and the females to the other. Not one to be left out and curious as to the reason [ and well pissed ], I followed suit. Once inside everyone started stripping off ……WHHHOOOAAA THERE bud …WTF’s going on here. I needn’t have worried [ although I was a bit apprehensive ], for everyone got re-dressed in a variety of Viking costumes / furs that had been provided.
What followed could only be described as a Viking orgy of drink and sex. I could then see why Dave had been seduced [ literally ] by Anja for all those weeks.
Again, this was repeated for the next couple of weeks, until Anja was obviously up for a new experience…………………..
Enter Brian Rocket. Brian had just got his licence and bike back on the road and decided to take it to Brands for a shake down. True to form, Anja turned up – this time with a mate from the first Viking orgy in tow. She [ Bergit ] was apparantly my consolation prize for being ditched ! Now as Blonde as Anja was – Bergit was Raven haired, a complete contrast. Oh for a threesome.
Anja made a beeline for Brian’s bike – declaring it the most beautiful bike she’d ever seen. It was seriously OTT for most of us – but that’s what Brian wanted. Due to Brian’s absence from proceedings for most of the previous 3 months – they had never met. Talk about love at first sight. It was obvious to all around that there was an immediate spark between the two – and both promptly dissapeared from the scene for a few months. When we tried to check things out – we were told by Brian’s parents that he was living with “some rich bird with a Porsche in London”.
Indeed, Brian wasn’t seen for several more months – including his workplace. Finally totally out of the blue, we all got an invite to Anja’s place for a “ special” party. This time it was to all Brian’s mates, so unlikly to be a re-run of the Viking orgy [ shame ].
When we turned up this time – it was mainly bikes parked outside her luxury appartment, with just a sprinkling of cars.
It turned out that she had completed her degree – and she and Brian were engaged !!!!
No, didn’t see that coming.
Within another 2 months they had packed up and returned to Norway where Anja took up some senior management post in her Father’s company [ also the only heir to the business !! ] and Brian took up a post in the transport department. A fairytale ending ? Well yes, we kept in sporadic touch for a few years to find out they had a couple of kids and Brian had been totally accepted into her family.
Fairytale ending two ……………….. Bergit was a year behind Anja at the LSU and stayed on in Anja’s appartment [ actually her Father’s company’s London crash pad ] and I attended several more Viking Orgy parties over the next 12 months before she went home to Norway.
I’ve actually visited the Castle that was used for “The Vikings” film – Fort “La Latte” in Normandy many times and you know when you have “special” songs and places that bring back pleasant memories? ...............................................................
Everytime I hear “The Vikings” theme, or “Common People” – I’m back in London at some Viking Orgy !
