Then there was the Russian Mother's book "Baby's Revenge" by Nora Nipplesoff.
Anyway - here's the latest delayed tale - hope you enjoy it ........
Beachcomber’s Tales from the Day – May 2011
“The Missing Motorcyclist 2 – and the G45 at Ted’s”
OK, bit of a delay with this one - various health and computer probs – both now resolved.
Back to roundabouts with this tale, and the Matchless G45 mini tale is worth the telling, but not worth a whole tale – if you see what I mean!
The Summer of 1966 – seemed to go on for ever and no significant rain meant long rides into the early morning hours.
On this occasion the “posse” had been off to see about scoring some talent in Southend, and Dommie Dave [ he of the batshit incident at the Blinking Owl ] who attracted birds like a super magnet attracted metal – had scored a particularly spectacular bird, who just happened to live near our Romford “base” and was eager to get a lift back home. Don’t know what it’s like in the US, but here in the UK it’s an unwritten law that when Birds go out in a group, there’s always a donkey amongst them ! This time there were 3 birds all needing to get back home at the end of the evening – as usual 2 lookers and one dog ………………. OK, call me sympathetic [ or unlucky] so I ended up “volunteering” to take the “dog” home. Actually it was more like I was the slowest one to get off the mark and all my “mates” had scarperred, leaving just me and the dog. Well, couldn’t leave her there so I said if she could fit her ass on the bump seat [ long Manx ] – she could have a lift.
Bear in mind that these birds had gone to Southend by train and were not best dressed for bike riding………. Visualize a knee length flared skirt with fluffy petticoats – oh yes and stockings and garter belts were still the fashion. Swinging a leg over a bike could often give you a glimpse of that stairway to heaven.
Anyway – mates had long gone before I got Beryl [ for that was her name – what a memory ] safely ‘ish installed on the back of the Triton. Even though it was only a 500 – it was still mighty rapid as it was fitted with a TJ tuned Grand Prix engine. OK – it was one of the first ex. Government auction sale Triumph generator sets [ ex. RAF ], which in turn is what Triumph sold as the Grand Prix. Now I’m not cynical enough to think that there was Triumph at war’s end with 1000’s of generator sets – and no customer, wondering what to do with them – instant Race engine!
Anyway, the bike was quick and I soon caught up with the lads. Most of you will know if you ever take pillions [ I haven’t for the past 40 years ] – there’s good and bad. Some follow your every move just as if they weren’t there – and others lean the wrong way or panic / scream in your ear when you start pushing on. These normally only get on the pillion once. Well, Beryl was one of the former – actually she was very slim and had a verrry good body [ allegedly ] and was the ideal passenger. And due to the serious lack of space to perch her pert ass, she needed to cling on tightly. I’m not certain whether by pure chance she decided that my wedding tackle was the most appropriate point to attach her vice like grip to, or by design……………[OK, later found out is was by design.] There followed a most pleasant 30 mile ride back to the Blinking Owl where we had all decided to meet up as the night was still hot and inviting.
As the girls lived near Gallows Corner roundabout, we decided to go back via the Lay Bye to see who was around. By this time [ 2.0am ] most of the lads had called it a night and either gone off home or to one of the all night Transport Caffs. It was one of those nights that you wanted to go on forever, and even Beryl was looking more inviting by the minute.
So we all decided to see the night out with a visit to Ted’s Caff, just off the Gallows Corner roundabout.
Now did I mention that when I caught up with the group earlier, the girls’ dresses were billowing out behind them, and somehow they had forgotten to put any knickers on? That got me wondering about Beryl’s dress habits…….
So off to Ted’s down the Southend Arterial [ Bye Pass] and we were approaching Gallows Corner roundabout at a rapid rate of knots, I’d just got ahead of Dommie Dave and his gorgeous pillion and anchored up real quick – the John Tickle 2LS Manx front brake doing the business – so much so that the rear wheel hopped up in the air by about 6”. Nothing for a modern bike, but unusual in the day.
Anyway, Beryl also came off the seat hump by a similar distance – and it was about this time that Dommie Dave following, realized that Beryl had also forgotten to put any knickers on that night !!!!!!!!!!
I negotiated the roundabout and we all pulled up at Ted’s, only to realize that Dommie Dave was missing. As he’d been on a serious promise from the time he picked his bird up – we assumed he’d decided to take in a bit of horizontal exercise and ride off to our favourite “bird park”.
We soon forgot all about Dave – especially when an old Thames van pulled up outside Ted’s and the driver wheeled out a Matchless G45 race bike [ 500cc Twin ].
“Anyone want this for £35” was his opening remark. Now £35 represented nearly 3 weeks’ wages for us apprentices, but never the less was extremely cheap considering the race bike was worth about £400.
“What’s the catch” we asked as one. “No catch - £35 and take over the drip” [ credit ].
One of the lads couldn’t resist it as he’d written off his own bike 2 weeks before [ AJS CSR] and the G45 was his dream machine. The deal had to be done there and then, as matey was doing the rounds of all the Bike Caffs in the area. We managed to scrape up £20 between the lot of us [ about 15 guys ] and Ted stumped up the balance out of the till.
By now it was starting to get light and we were wondering where Dave was as he would certainly have come back to the Caff – if only to give us graphic blow by blow accounts of his latest conquest.
We thought - fuckit leave him to it, and headed back to Gallows Corner to go to our various homes . As we approached we spotted the bird that Dave had been with, staggering about on the top of the grassed area of the roundabout. Initially we assumed that Dave had perversely decided to do the business on top of the roundabout.
“What have you done with Dave” we all wanted to know, but she was obviously dazed and not at all with it. We parked up the bikes and went onto the island to search for Dave amongst the flowers and shrubs. We eventually found him, and his bike – he was moaning and groaning [ broke his collarbone ], but as usual more interested in the condition of his bike.
“What the bloody hell happened Dave?”
“Well I was just about to take you on the roundabout [ yes of course you were Dave ] and that bird of yours gave me the full moon treatment – what an ass” ………………………………………………………
So concluded a memorable night’s ride out -and Beryl......... yes I hung around with her for 2 or 3 weeks, she was also memorable – but not for her good looks.
