Beachcomber's Tales from the day

A few more tales heading this way in the New Year and for those who have expressed an interest - the "Book" is progressing nicely. Most of the tales have been re-written, with a little more detail and John Hancox has promised some exciting cartoon style artwork to accompany them.

There will be some "guest" tales [ with permission of course ] - Hoof and others sharpen your quills up !

Here's wishing you all a Happy Christmas and a Healthy New Year - may it bring you what you want.
 
HERE IT IS GUYS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL

Beachcomber’s Tales from the Day”“The Connie, the New Boss and the first day at the new job”

A little backgrounder here on the social status in the UK in the late 50’s early 60’s.

There was without doubt a class distinction hangover from before the war – you had your “working class” [ Blue collar ], Middle Class [ white collar ], then you had the upper class who were minor aristocracy, ex. Generals and Admirals and the like and general toffs. Each "class" generally moved / socialized / married within their own circle of social demographics.

This applied to all walks of life and none more so than your working environment. Top management or company executives / owners would be Upper Class, middle management would be middle class – then you had oiks like me at the bottom. Within the working class there was a fierce sub-division – manual workers and “office” workers. The Office workers perceived the manual workers as lazy toe rags and the manual workers saw the office workers as a total waste of space they could well do without. In reality of course neither one could do without the other – which was also the case all the way up to the top !

Only on the shop floor were workers called by their Christian names [ apart from foremen / shop managers ] – everywhere else within industry it was surnames or when you were talking up a class it was Mr…… or Sir.

So, when the young and rebellious Beachcomber was still working for others it was a given that these rules would be bent or broken. With a finely honed sense of sarcasm and a reasonable way with words – these pompous pricks would often get their verbal come-uppance.

It was with this background that the 20 year old Beachcomber became the youngest ever Grade 1 Draughstman at the local Electricity Board [ energy supplier ]. With collar length bright red hair, the interview was touch and go – as all the other inmates had the traditional “short back and sides” haircut. But the interview was passed successfully and a start date set for the beginning of the next month.

At that time the transport was either the trusty old JU250 race bike transporter or the Ex. Bob Mac Connie. The formal dress for the drawing office was either a suit [ mainly for younger draughtsmen ] and as you got further up the tree – or just older – tweed jackets with leather arm patches, checked shirts [ with tie of course ] and cavalry Twill trousers seemed to be the uniform.

The JU250 was having one of it’s quite frequent head gasket changes, so the Connie was pressed into service for the 10 mile commute to the workplace.

Wanting to make an impression [ ?? ] and dressed in a smart double breasted Blazer, Drainpipe trousers, and Eaton Clubman Brothel Creeper shoes, the eager Beachcomber set off for his first day at work.

All was going quite normally until a traffic jam was encountered on a small lane leading to the offices. Naturally with the bike filtering on the inside and outside was not a problem to get to the head of the queue [ line ]. Around half way down and swapping to the inside a guy with a bristling moustache with 3 young girls [ 18 – 20 ] decided to take offence - initially by pumping his horn and then by moving his car over forcing the Connie into a ditch to impress his lady passengers!

Not impressed the now covered in mud and grass Beachcomber crawled out of the ditch to confront matey. Now while he was in the safety of his tin box he was very brave, but he made the fatal error of winding his window down to administer “a good talking to “. Seconds later his head and shoulders were halfway out of the car and pinned as he was – a smart and none too shabby right hook caught him under the chin and laid him out.

Another motorcyclist stopped to give a hand to extricate the Connie from the ditch so the journey could be completed. Fortunately apart from grass and mud everywhere, the bike was undamaged. While all this was going on the car was still immobile [ as was the driver ] and the traffic ahead had cleared, whilst the jam behind now went on for over a mile !

That was in fact the main access to the facility and most of the cars were in fact driven by workers there.

Needless to say most were late for work that Monday morning.

So arriving at the complex the Connie was parked up in a convenient place by the main doors so it would be safe in full view and on up to the Drawing office – stopping off via the washroom to get rid of as much mud and grime as possible.

Having explained the lateness to the Chief Draughtsman he accepted the reason as it was backed up by 5 other drawing office staff who were delayed by the same incident ! In fact there was much muttering under breath and general finger pointing on the way to the drawing board station.

The Drawing Office was in fact a division of the Engineering Department and the tradition was that all new staff would have a one to one introductory pep talk by the Chief Engineer. Normally this was conducted as soon as you made yourself at home so that the law of the land could be laid down as to behavior, dress code, hours, etc.

The morning wore on without the heart to heart with the Chief Engineer and nervous looks between the Chief Draughtsman and his Boss and again finger pointing in my direction.

Eventually the call came and the march up to the next floor where the upper management had their offices began. This route went by the secretarial office pool, where the 3 young girls from the morning’s incident were working. Again – much giggling and pointing of fingers and to my astonishment a few blown kisses !

Outside the Chief’s office now and a swift rap on the door brought forth a muffled “come in”. In fact so muffled that a second, louder rap on the door followed by an almost bellow – totally unintelligible.

OK so who guessed ? Yes on opening the door there was the very guy I had laid out in his car that morning ! His jaw was virtually immoveable and there were obviously several missing teeth.

And to add a little salt in the wound? The place where I had parked the Connie just happened to be his private executive car parking space.

Hmmmm. what outcome ? Would the Beachcomber have set a new record for being fired before he started? Well no, in actual fact the arsehole had so embarrassed himself in front of his posse of popsies, he held out his hand and apologized !

Just before the door closed after the interview, he did ask politely if I would park the Connie in a different place the next day.

How to become a hero in your workplace before you even start.

The Electricity Board went on to be my personal “perk” for the next 9 months until I just couldn’t stand it any longer. There’s a whole bunch of stories there, but only one bike related.
 
beachcomber said:
Only on the shop floor were workers called by their Christian names [ apart from foremen / shop managers ] – everywhere else within industry it was surnames or when you were talking up a class it was Mr…… or Sir.
and as you got further up the tree – or just older – tweed jackets with leather arm patches, checked shirts [ with tie of course ] and cavalry Twill trousers seemed to be the uniform.

Apart from a good giggle you brought back a flood of memories. The first job I had when I went to Ireland was with a small engineering supply company in Dublin. With the exception of a huge RAF mustache you described the managing director to a T. And like you say christian names to the sods on the floor and Mr. to everyone else. Lots of stories but none bike related.

Edward Turner (of Triumph designing fame) insisted that everyone call each other Mr. He said that way it made it easier to fire someone. It would be more difficult if you were on a first name basis.
 
Glad that stirred some memories Hoof...........you just had to be there right ?

I'm sure you also retaliated against the system.

Favourites [ universal? ] was to stuff apples up the exhaust pipes of cars, hang fish next to the radiator - whatever you could do to "get even".

During my business life [ as owner ] for the past 40 + years I made it a point to shake hands with my staff morning and evening - a hangover from my Francophilia. Not a line up , but as I went around the shop floor in the course of the day. At one point I employed 15 people, but still made the point, even with the trainees.

It's VERY difficult for people to hold grudges / harbour anger when confronted by someone who shakes their hand and has a polite hello / goodbye for them. You have to look the person in the eye when shaking hands - I found it takes the sting out of many awkward situations.
 
Very true. You had to be there to understand the class system. Still very much alive in Ireland (and probably England). My Boss, Fred (but never to his face), mustachioed, tweed jacketed, cavalry twilled, pipe smoking gnat that he was wouldn't acknowledge anyone who hadn't been there at least 20 years. The only time he acknowledged my existance was when I forgot to wear tie one day. Each time he walked past my desk I would get a couple of harumphs and he continue wherever he was going. He really as a pompous git.

My favorite was a trick my Dad taught me. It works best on singles. Take a small piece of paper and chew it up so its nice and soft and wet. Stick it up the plug cap and replace the cap. Water being a conductor will carry the spark but as the engine warms up it will dry out and insulate the spark from the plug. This allows the bike to run fo a mile or so and then die without any visible reason. Subtly evil.
 
OOooohhhh Hoof, I like that. Along the same vein as the block of frozen Limburger cheese on the intake manifold of a car. ;)
 
Most cars today have the hood release in the car.

How about a rag in the gas tank. The pump will pull the rag up and stop the car. When the car stops the rag will float away.
 
can't believe I just found this thread! I'm already hooked on your stories. I love listening to peoples stories, and you, sir, have some great stories! i'll be reading
 
That's another good one! Beach, you did in that story what most of us dream of getting away with! Outstanding...
 
Garage Rat said:
Most cars today have the hood release in the car.

How about a rag in the gas tank. The pump will pull the rag up and stop the car. When the car stops the rag will float away.

Guess you'd have to be more inventive these days - half a pound of sugar in the gas tank usually works.

At the turn of the decade [ 50's-60's ] most cars still had an external bonnet [ hood ] release. Hoof's Dad's wet paper trick also worked with cars of course ! Most of these jolly japes weren't intended to cause lasting damage [ or expense ] - just inconvenience.

There is actually one Tale I might indulge myself in relating to the Electricity Board - nudging on bike related. Any interest ?
 
beachcomber said:
Most of these jolly japes weren't intended to cause lasting damage [ or expense ] - just inconvenience.

We had a guy in school with a fairly newish Triumph. Our bikes were trash as far as he was concerned and he spent most of the day telling us so. On one lunch break I slipped out to the parking lot and took off his rear chain. Put it in a bag and into my locker. After school we watched him start the bike and into gear and NOTHING! He looked around, tried all the gears and we stood there laughing at him and him cursing us but he never copped that the chain was missing.

Thoroughly pissed off he went back into the school to call his Dad to come pick him up. While he was doing that I had the chain between some books I was carrying and I carefully slid it out under the bike to try and make it look like it had simply come off. When his dad arrived with a his pick up he immediately spotted the chain and proceeded to call his son all the dumb shit names he could think of. While the son was trying to tell him it wasn't there when he started the bike. His dad put the chain back on and he rode the bike home. But it took an awful long time to live it down and it did shut him up.
 
Hoofhearted said:
We had a guy in school with a fairly newish Triumph. Our bikes were trash as far as he was concerned and he spent most of the day telling us so. On one lunch break I slipped out to the parking lot and took off his rear chain. Put it in a bag and into my locker. After school we watched him start the bike and into gear and NOTHING! He looked around, tried all the gears and we stood there laughing at him and him cursing us but he never copped that the chain was missing.

Thoroughly pissed off he went back into the school to call his Dad to come pick him up. While he was doing that I had the chain between some books I was carrying and I carefully slid it out under the bike to try and make it look like it had simply come off. When his dad arrived with a his pick up he immediately spotted the chain and proceeded to call his son all the dumb shit names he could think of. While the son was trying to tell him it wasn't there when he started the bike. His dad put the chain back on and he rode the bike home. But it took an awful long time to live it down and it did shut him up.

Nice one Hoof - very subtle.

BTW - what type of suspension / shock absorbers do you use on your World Record Holding Sidecar ?
 
beachcomber said:
BTW - what type of suspension / shock absorbers do you use on your World Record Holding Sidecar ?

Zero, nada, zilch, nothing. Its rigid all the way round BC. El Mirage is pretty smooth and Bonneville is usually very smooth so as far as I'm concerned suspension isn't needed.
 
OK that's it then, I think the Electricity Board Tale is worth the telling - and like I said it does involve a bike. That's about 3-4 weeks away.
 
Coming in the next 2 weeks - " The Norton Jubilee and the Electricity Board express delivery service".
 
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