Recipes

go!

Threat Level: giggles and sunshine
DTT SUPPORTER
seems like there may be some interest in cooking/baking on here.. everyone post up your favorite recipes!
mine won't be as artfully worded as swagger's (the man has a way with words!)

Pizza
1 pizza crust, or 2 personal pizza crusts.. or make your own crust
1 carton cherry tomatoes
garlic
2 tbsp. olive oil
1 c mozzarella cheese (or try some fancy cheese!)
pine nuts
1 package arugula
red wine vinegar
anything else you like on your pizza..

Pre-heat oven to 450
Puree the cherry tomatoes, 1 tbsp olive oil, and 1/2 tbsp minced garlic. Season with salt and pepper.
Spread the puree on the pizzas, leaving about a 1" border
Top each pizza with 1/2 c mozzarella cheese, then pine nuts
Bake for 10 minutes
Toss arugula with red wine vinegar and remaining 1 tbsp olive oil. When pizzas are baked, top with arugula. Eat!
 
How about conceptual recipes? As in meant more for giggles and thought more than yummy time sharing. Here is a fail proof (if fail proof means that you will prove that muffins can fail and win at the same time) recipe for Art School Muffins. You may have seen the tiny pic for posters that have this recipe in the Members Art thread but I will repeat it here at the risk of both redundancy and eyebrow raising.

Art School Muffins

4 cups Bran
2.5 cups Muffin Stuff
750ml Single Malt Scotch

Mix in a big bowl
Bake until Scotch ignites
Eat while muffins are still flaming, helps clean out the crap!
Enjoy.

*disclaimer* this recipe is not meant to be a statement directed at you dear reader. It is meant for those 'other' people, the ones full of crap, a substance which art schools are known to peddle in heavily and without relent, only through diligent use of Scotch and Muffins can we hope to regain the sanity and joy that we once knew (that last bit might be more for me than anyone else)* yours in humour and sincerity, mangonotforget.
 
yeah, go for anything! goofy recipes, quick ones, whatever! i may even throw in some fun facts!

oh heck, here's one now
baking powder is baking soda with acid added to neutralize the base and produce more CO2 when heated
 
huzzah, cooking. here's a recipe for beer bread:
3c flour
3tsp baking powder
1 1/2tsp salt
3TB sugar
12oz beer
bake at 375 for an hour-ish

it's the only thing i've ever baked, and it is delicious. i even used it as pizza crust once.
 
Ok here is my Chili recipe... not a OH-MY-GAWD-HOT (although you can spicey it up with Red-hot / Tabasco sauce) but just a good warm chili people around here love it and I am requested to make it at my Elks Lodge friday night dinners two or three times a winter. this batch size serve 4, doulble or triple to size.

Brown one pound of Hamburger with a small chopped onion, salt, pepper, and about a teaspoon of chili-powder then drain.
1 full size can of tomato juice (not paste, not sauce, juice)
1 small can of chili hot beans, I use Brooks but even generic will work, not plain Kidney beans, you want the ones in a sauce.
teaspoon of salt
teaspoon of black pepper
Tablespoon of chili-powder.
These will get you in the ballpark but you can adjust to taste, if you like a hot chili, add a 1/2 teaspoon of dried red cyan pepper.
Stir well on medium heat till just starts to boil.
Now the important part that everyone tries to short cut... reduce heat to LOW, lightly simmer, stirring often from the bottom up because it will settle to the bottom and scorch if you space it... for a minimum of 4 hours.
Serious, don't think you will come home from work some night and have it for supper, this is better the longer / slower you cook it... it will thicken up and turn like a stew , not a soup.

Best with a cold beer, trust me ;)
 
My chili Recipe

1-2 pounds of Beef or venison (double everything listed if 2 pounds) 1/2"-3/4" cubes
2 jars of stewed tomatoes (or 2 big cans of diced if you don't get your moms canned tomatoes ;) )
1 can of hot chili beans, 1 can mild.
1 med onion-minced
fresh garlic to taste --- I use 3 cloves smashed/minced
2 jalepeno
2 Serrano peppers
sometimes I will throw basil, oregano....just stuff in...i always change it up
Chili powder
Red pepper
Black pepper
BEER

Equipment
Cast iron Skillet
Big stock pot
Potato masher
Stirrin' spoon


in the stock pot, put in a little olive oil, sweat the onions, make them translucent.

meanwhile.....
get the skillet nice and hot quick sear the cubed meat, nice and brown on all sides. After the onions are ready, move meat to the stock pot, and dissolve all the little pretty brown chunks in the skillet with some beer. pour all that yummy goodness onto the meat, throw in tomatoes, spices. if using the whole tomatoes, mash em up...diced....leave em be.
once the tomatoes are broken up, throw in the beans. simmer........stir.....simmer....stir....the longer the better. if I am going to let it simmer all day, I will leave the garlic and peppers out....


because I always let it simmer the next day when I plan to eat it. so....add the peppers and garlic in a couple hours before you are going to eat it....It works well for me, and I have NEVER had a complaint.


I also make corn bread to go with my chili. I actually LIKE jiffy mix..... heat up cast iron skillet with some veggie oil, mix up jiffy mx, pour onto hot oiled skillet.
then put in oven, less time than box says.

you get a fried bottom on your corn bread, nice, crispy and golden brown, and yummy.
 
mexican cereal

when finished with tortilla chips pour the little broken pieces in to the almost empty salsa bowl

not my recipe, but i like it

please do not be offended if you are MExican and this is not really cereal of Mexico
 
Super good brownies!

Ingredients:
Visit your local mega-mart and pick up a box of Betty Crocker brownie mix (she makes a bunch, so get which ones you normally like, but it has to be Betty Crocker!)
Look at the back of the box for the other ingredients you will need from the mega-mart.
Visit you local friendly hippie dealer (you know the one) and pick up one quarter ounce of the cheapest funky parsley he has!
One bottle of Bushmills Irish Whiskey
Ice

Directions:
Pour whiskey in a high-ball glass over a few cubes of ice, begin to sip! (got this one from swagger, and it works in every recipe!)
Make brownie mix according to box and set batter aside
Break down the funky parsley and discard the seeds and stems, grind in the special funky parsley grinder.
Take out enough of the broken down parsley to roll in a 1.25 paper and do so with it, set it aside
Place the remaining broken down funky parsley in the batter and stir in well.
Pour batter in pan and bake according to the boxes recommendations.
Pour another glass of whiskey over some more ice and sip as you smoke the previously rolled funky parsley.

Before you know it, your brownies are done!

Eat them, they are best with milk, you won't need anymore whiskey!


WARNNING: These brownies make you want to eat more of these brownies!
 
tWistedWheelz said:
Super good brownies!

That is an old favorite recipe, did it years ago before some here were born.
Try it... you'll like it.
Here is a funny I remember...
http://www.yourememberthat.com/media/13604/Barney_Miller/

As a twist, use the "funky parsley" as you would oregano on a frozen pizza... YUMMY!
 
Oh gawds....I haven't laughed so much in months...thanks Hoosier! I forgot that show......

Oh...whew.....wait wait...I gotta catch my breath.....holyshit..what a laugh!

Mooshy mooshy!

Have you seen my legs...they're about thiiiis long.....
 
Saturday Afternoom Mojito Recipe & and Instructions

1. Wake up early on a wonderful Saturday morning and go for a bike ride. While you are out get some mint, fresh mint is the best so if you know a spot where a little bunch grows get some of that otherwise stop by a grocery store where you should also get some lime.

2. Do not assume that you have Bacardi at home, Ride to the closest liquer store and grab a bottle of Bacardi. Your budget, mood, and your tastes should decide which kind. The liqueur store should ideally cary some club soda as well

3. Casually ride home thinking only of one thought: You, on your deck or lawn, in your favorite chair with a cold delicious Mojito in your hand. Thinking about your bills and the things you have to do on Monday will ruin the deliciousness of your Saturday Afternoon Mojito!

4. When you get home, your first task is to make simple syrup: mix 3/4 cup of white sugar with say 1cup of room temperature water. Stir patiently until all sugar has dissolved.

5. Take a clean, tall glass, cut 3 thin slices of lime and place them in the bottom of the glass.

6. Place 5 leaves of mint on top of the lime in the glass and add the simple syrup.

7. If you wish to be any fancier than you already are, use a muddle stick to muddle the contents of your glass otherwise any long thick object, like the butt of your screwdriver will do. 5 twists is sufficient.

8. The aroma of mint and lime with a hint of sweetness should let you know that you are getting closer. If you do not feel a slight sensation at this point, stop and backtrack to figure out what went wrong. Double check your state of mind and make sure it is a Saturday.

9 . fill your glass with Ice to the top.

10. Add 2 oz of Bacardi and fill the rest of the glass with club soda.

11. If you have a shaker, Use it! If you don't have a shaker think of some other way to shake the Mojito for a few second.

12. Garnish the drink with a lime wedge and a few leaves of mint. Serve with a straw.
 
Good thinkin' on booze recipies..

Black Like Your Soul (shots, makes 10)
Needed:
-5oz rocks glasses
-Cocktail shaker
-Crown Royal
-Blue Curacao
-Grenadine (the alcoholic kind ya chump...)
-Ice
-Cane sugar

1. Fill the shaker with ice
2. Pour 10 oz or Crown
3. 5 oz of Blue Curacao
4. 5 oz of Grenadine
Shake!!!!!

Wet the rim of the shot glasses and dip into the cane sugar.

Fill each glass with 2 oz of BLYS... Enjoy.

The ladies enjoy this since its fruity, and there is plenty of hooch for the gents as well.

Made it up years ago at my buddies bar, and its now served in a few places around the country... :)
 
Perfect breasts....

Ok more food

Everyone loves a perfect breast!
This prep is for a single but I think we're all smart enough to rework for more than one....right?

Let's start by preheating your oven to 425 degrees and then pop a bottle of Riesling or a nice late Muscat and let it breath in a chiller after pouring a nice starter glass....

1) take one nice chicken boobie and slice it laterally so that it lays open like a book
(drink some wine to help you forget how yucky raw chicken is to fuck around with)

2) rub the inside with your favorite dry seasoning, I like sea salt, some ground pepper and a bit of ground chili and cumen.....just a bit of these last two though!
(let's have another drink shall we?)

3) add a couple thin slices of tomato, I like beefsteak but Romas work well here and a little sliced fresh garlic to taste
4) add a conservative layer of crumbled feta cheese, a couple table spoons should do it
(holy shit...this is starting to look like it may be food and calls for some celebrating......)

5) fold back together and pin shut with a couple tooth picks...it should look like bad surgery at this point
(this definitely calls for more wine, luckily the bottle should be nicely breathed out at this point so get to it!)

6) grind, smash and abuse 4 small pieces of melba toast into a medium fine powder and mix in some onion salt, roasted garlic powder and perhaps a bit more chili powder and coat the boobie really well so that it forms a nice even crust and set aside under cover until the whole mess is up to room temp (important)

once your freshly stuffed and crusted boobie is up to room temp, slot that fucker in the center of the middle rack in a good baking dish for 20 minutes. This should leave just enough time to polish off that bottle and crack another for the meal. I like this with some fresh pita sliced up and a small helping of tzatziki to dip into.
 
Thanks!

Someone should tell me when to stop if y'all get sick of this....I lived alone for five years (just to see if I really could) and had to learn to at minimum sustain myself, much less make something enjoyable.

Really good meatloaf


Preheat your oven to 350*

BBQ or steak sauce of your choice
ketchup of your choice (katsup if your a hipster)
1-1/2 pound GOOD sirloin cube steak
1/2 pound pepper bacon
1 cup cornflakes
2/3 cup grated sharp cheddar
2 bottles of water (32oz)
2 eggs (you can also use eggbeaters if you like)
2 fist fulls of fresh green beans (I have big fists...adjust according to your girly hands)
4 cloves of fresh garlic skinned and sliced
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp cayenne powder
1 tsp sea salt
1 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp granulated onion or dehydrated onion
1/2tsp cumin
1/2 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp thyme

blanch the green beans so they are tender and the skins roll off easily, drain and set aside
(because I detest squeaky greenbeans....if you like'm that way it's all you....ya weirdo)

put everything but the bacon and beans in a big bowl and get to mooshing it about until it's mixed up.

Roll the mixture out until it's a uniform 1/2" thick and relatively square, on wax paper

lay out the bacon slices running north to south on the meat slab and sprinkle with a little sea salt, then add half of your cheese

lay out your green beans east to west and add the rest of your cheese

Drink a bottle of water

grab the edge of your wax paper and roll the whole mess into a meaty beany log and kinda smoosh the ends closed and along the wrapped edge too.

Chuck the whole mess into the oven and set a timer for 40 minutes
(at around 25 minutes brush the top with a 50/50 mix of sauce and put it back in to finish

drink more water. Why you ask...well, we've been beating out liver and kidneys into submission for quite a while...be kind now and again..

When your dinger goes off, yank it out and let it sit for 5 minutes. Once that 5 minutes of anger are spent slice and eat with some potatoes...I like smashed but simply boiling up some Yukon Golds works great too.
Makes a spectacular sandwich the next day on ciabatta with a slight touch of mayo and yellow mustard.

Oh...and drink more water....
 
^ you worst recipe to date, now if you sub the water to bottles of Fat Tire Ale, or Anchor, then you have another winner!
 
Love your recipes Swagger :)

I guess I should stop keeping mine so guarded :p hahaha
 
Even though you would think sir bunnyman is a vegetarian, I loves meat!!!

Here's a crockpot recipe:

2 lbs chicken (breast, thighs, whatever)
1 link of Chorizo sausage
1 Red pepper
1 orange pepper
1 large onion
1 Seranno pepper
1 Jalepeno pepper
6 Roma tomatoes
6 medium sized potatoes
1 cup or two of some red wine shit

Wash and slice potatoes into quarters. Line bottom of crockpot. Wash chicken bits (I get whatever is on sale), place on top of potatoes. If you had chicken breast with ribs or any bone-in chicken, take meat from bones and save for next step. If no bones, you can still do next step. Mix the bones, Chorizo, and red wine into a pan. Now cook the sh*t out of that. If you have no bones, take some bits of the boneless chicken (ike the fat and crappy bits of the meat) and cook the shit out of that and let it get nice and thick. you will be cooking that for awhile, and it will go in last. Chop up your onion, place into crock pot. Unless you have a mouth and stomach made of iron, remove stems, seeds, and connective membranes of all peppers listed and chop the shit out of them. Place in crock pot. Chop up your tomatoes and place into the pot. By now (and you had better have kept an eye on the stock the whole time stirring), the stock will be nice and thick; use a colander and strain out the bones and shit and pour into crock pot. And if you don't think your dish will be hot enough, throw a dash or two of Red Hot sauce in for good measure. Place lid onto crock pot, and cook for 8-10 hours. Let the aroma envelop your house and make your neighbours in the apartment complex jealous (if applicable). Savour and drink Modelo mixed with Clamato and Tabasco.
 
Potato Bomb

I may have just put myself on the Homeland Security bad monkey list.....hehehe
Potato Bomb
Potato Bomb
Potato Bomb
Potato Bomb
Potato Bomb
Potato Bomb
Potato Bomb

Weeeeeeeeee! Potato Bomb

Ok, 'nuff o that...

I do these on the BBQ but you could easily do it in the oven or on a campfire too.
I get my Q cranking pretty good with the lid down, my temp gauge (Aftermarket aircooled VW cyl. head temp gauge setup) at around 450*

wash and chop two or three good size baking potatoes, Yukon Golds or Reds into roughly 1"cube like chunks and put'm in a liquid proof container like a tupperware, but I use a plastic grocery bag. Into that add 1/4cup of good olive oil, some Spike or Mrs. Dash and 4 or 5 cloves of garlic chopped to shit. Some might call it minced but I'll kick'm in the teeth unless they're go!..... I'd add a dash of cayenne or chilli powder too, but I like my food a little more aggressive than most folks do. Tie off hte bag and let it sit on the counter for now

this would be a good time to draw a nice pint of Guinness from the ol'Keggerator

Reach into the fridge and pull out your favorite meat of choice unless you're a vegetable like Staffy, then you prolly wanna skip this bit. I like a nice kielbasa or chorizo though just about anything will work well. Chop this up to whatever size you like, I generally cut them into 1/2" thick discs. Dump this into your container of potatoes.

Time to finish that pint, eh wot? Might as well pull another...you know...since we're right here and all...

I like to add at least some vegetation to my meals and fresh frozen corn works great here. I've also enjoyed broccoli in this though generally I avoid it most of the time....cuz it's icky. Tonite I'm going with corn but use what you like in whatever quantity you want. Add this to your container of man-food and give the whole mess a good shake to mix it up and spread the goo around.

Now, grab your aluminum foil and pull out two 16" long sheets and make an envelope by folding three sides a few times to seal the, fill it with your food stuffs add four or five good shakes of balsamic vinegar and a couple teaspoons of your Guinness and seal the open end. If you're like me you'll get all nuts about mashing a perfect seal...well don't worry too much, just don't want anything to fall out.

Put this on the Q and set a timer for around 25 minutes though that'll vary a bit depending on how big your potato chunks are. When the timer goes off use an oven mit (or if you're like me calluses will do fine) and pull you now cooked potato bomb off and dump it into a big bowl. Eat up with another pint-o-black.

Other variation I've enjoyed is diced steak, I usually marinate in a 5/1 combination of cheap ass white wine and balsamic vinegar for a couple days in the fridge. I buy my cooking wine in 2gallon hobo jugs, Ernest and Julio works great but I wouldn't drink the swill.

Enjoy!
 
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