Here's the final tale for a while, I'm off to Saxony for a few weeks .........
Beachcomber’s Tales from the Day
“The Sign of the Zodiac” July 2011
The title might infer some sort of astrological connection – not so, we’re actually back to the “Z” cars we met in an earlier tale – This time the Ford Zodiac. BTW my American cousins – pronounce the Z as “Zed”, not “Zee” for the “Englishness” of the tale to come through.
OK, so the young Beachcomber has a regular job as a design Draughtsman working in Aluminium Structures – bridges, Overhead Power Cable Pylons, and a hundred oddball projects – like the sluice gates for the Zambezi [ whatever it’s called these days ] Dam hydro plant.
This was at a time when my racing efforts were getting a little more intense and I was now on my Mk3 Tribsa. Which meant that my daily ride had to be sacrificed to provide all the good bits – Borrani rims, 500 Grand Prix engine, RRT2 Goldie box ………………
Just as well really as the bike had been the cause of my latest brush with plod – earning me another 2 citations and £20 fine – or nearly a week’s wages [ this in 1965].
The bike was virtually a race bike with a few niceties to placate plod – in fact it WAS my old Mk2 race Tribsa – still with open meggas, no lights [ legal in the UK in daylight ] and using an old bulb [ Clown’s type ] hooter. My daily commute took me from [ then ] sleepy Essex through the East End of London up to the famous Billingsgate Fish Market where the offices and workshops were nearby. On a bad day the smell of fish in the air reminded you of a weekend in a cathouse.
Anyway, digressing as usual ………….. on this day I was late for work and was in a real hurry. Particularly annoyed at being caught by a set of traffic lights, I really gave the bike some beans in a Drag Start that would have done EJ Potter proud. Within 200 yds I suddenly heard the unmistakable bell of a Police car – and when I looked round – yes it WAS me he wanted! No chance to outrun him as the traffic was really intense.
Futtox – just what I needed when I was already late for work!
In his best sarcastic tone the Rozzer sauntered over and asked me if I knew what an “Infernal Din” was, referring to the two open meggas. I said “Sorry , can’t hear you – too much noise” which didn’t go down too well. That prompted a full scale on the spot check of the bike, which in the main was road legal ….. until he came to the bulb hooter, which somehow or other had got full of water and instead of emitting a solid “Parp, parp” – gushed out a jet of water all down the front of his trousers in the crotch area ! “Ahhha, I’ll be doing you for that as well – no audible means of warning approach” – well and truly quoting the exact misdemeanor.
Later in court when the citations were read out I did point out to the Magistrate that I couldn’t possibly be guilty of BOTH – as the two were contradictory !!! My wit and logic didn’t help and I still got a fine and points for each !
Back to the plot – My licence now read like War and Peace and there wasn’t a lot of room left for any additional violations, and once you got up to a decent number, you lost your licence for a while. That’s what really prompted me to build the Tribsa as a full on track bike.
So the Tribsa was taken off the road for a rebuild and I ended up with a Matchless 350 Trials bike as my commuter. No dramas and the laid back style [ and lower performance ] meant that my licence should be safe for a while longer.
Working at the Aluminium fabricators also had the bonus that I was able to get many parts made in top grade alloys. The boys in the workshop were very good about it, and when drawings turned up in the shop, which were obviously bike related, they just turned a blind eye and made them for me.
After a week or two of commuting with the Matchbox, I again found myself late for work and with the traffic being bumper to bumper in the East End I decided to mount the central refuge and ride on that. This was a raised concrete barrier – only about 9” high that acted to separate the traffic and allow pedestrians to cross the road with some degree of safety. It was only about 2 foot wide, plenty for me to try out my Trials skills whilst avoiding the traffic! Occasionally I had to drop off this to avoid the odd pedestrian or when Traffic lights were approached.
As I approached one particular set of lights I again came off the central barrier, to find myself right next to the very same plod in his Z car that had nicked me on the Tribsa !!!!!! This time I did decide to outrun him and weaved off amidst the traffic. However his local knowledge took him on a detour down side roads so he actually ended up coming out of a side road on my left. I was on the outside of the traffic lane and we were unsighted to each other – until he nosed out into my lane………….
In the inevitable collision, I slid all down the front of his Zodiac, while my bike went in the other direction.
Luckily for me the locals all rounded on the copper – saying what a dangerous driver he was, menace to life and limb, etc., etc. And with that he had to let me off my earlier trials riding performance.
As the weather was particularly foul, I had an ex. WW2 tank suit on – totally waterproof, but made you look like the Michelin Man. I was pretty shook up by the incident and elected to turn round and go home for the day. Just as I was about to shoot off, an Ambulance turned up that had been called out by a passer by, and they insisted on taking me to hospital. Now I have to say that the Tank suit was pretty well ripped and my left leg in particular was really painful.
Time for a confession – I had [ then ] a morbid fear of needles / injections and would do anything to avoid stitches / injections.
The medical staff wanted to cut my tank suit off – no way, that cost me best part of 2 quid. I said I’d remove it myself and went into an ante-room. When I eventually got the leg exposed there was a deep gash all the way up my shin from the ankle an embedded in the shin bone just below my knee was the “Z” from the Z.O.D.I.A.C. name badge from the copper’s car! These letters were individually cast and attached above the front grill of the car.
I was well aware that injury would require, injections and stitching at the very least, so I gathered up all my kit and slid out of a side entrance and back to where my bike had been left and high tailed it home to my Gran’s.
The pain was pretty severe, even for me as a hardened Rugby player with my fair share of knocks and bruises. My Gran was insisting that I went to see our GP at least to get the Z removed and the stitches that would be required to pull the flesh over my part exposed shin bone.
No, not for me Gran - So I steralised the Vice grips with some of my Grandad’s Whisky, gritted my teeth and pulled the Z out of my shin bone. A good spread of ubiquitous “Germolene” covered with lint and all held tightly together with Gaffer tape to help the wound seal - Fixed.
There we have it – “The Sign of the Zodiac” ………………………..
