Happy St Partick's Day
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Basement rat
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From some emails today.
Irish Baseball Fan
Patrick O’Dowd, fresh off the plane from Ireland, was invited by his cousin, Sean, to his first ever baseball game. He had never seen the sport before, so he sat quietly in his seat. The first batter approached the plate, took a couple of swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!”
.
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. Patrick was now excited and ready to get into the spirit of the game.
.
The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. Patrick, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye bastard, rrrun!”
.
Everyone around him started laughing so Patrick, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. His cousin, Sean, noticed his embarrassment, leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he has four balls.”
.
Patrick immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride man! Walk with pride!”
Irish Smiles
Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn’t kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
———————————————————————
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
———————————————————————
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they’re always assured of having a worthy opponent.
———————————————————————
An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?”
“Who told you that?” asked Paddy.
———————————————————————
Question – Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer – So the English can understand them.
——————————————————————–
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, “Not guilty.”
“That’s grand!” shouted Reilly. “Does that mean I can keep the money?”
——————————————————————–
Irish lass customer: “Could I be trying on that dress in the window?”
Shopkeeper: “I’d prefer that you use the dressing room.”
——————————————————————–
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, “Is that you I hear spittin’ in the vase on the mantle piece?”
“No,” said himself, “but I’m gettin’ closer all the time.”
——————————————————————–
Question – What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
Answer - A bachelor.
——————————————————————–
Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin’ at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home .
——————————————————————–
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. “Quick!” He said. “Send an ambulance, my wife is goin’ to have a baby!”
“Tell me, is this her first baby?” the intern asked.
“No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin’.”
——————————————————————–
“O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife’s appearance?”
“It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, “but it keeps fallin’ off!”
——————————————————————–
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
——————————————————————–
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a
week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
Irish Baseball Fan
Patrick O’Dowd, fresh off the plane from Ireland, was invited by his cousin, Sean, to his first ever baseball game. He had never seen the sport before, so he sat quietly in his seat. The first batter approached the plate, took a couple of swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!”
.
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. Patrick was now excited and ready to get into the spirit of the game.
.
The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. Patrick, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye bastard, rrrun!”
.
Everyone around him started laughing so Patrick, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. His cousin, Sean, noticed his embarrassment, leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he has four balls.”
.
Patrick immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride man! Walk with pride!”
Irish Smiles
Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn’t kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
———————————————————————
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
———————————————————————
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they’re always assured of having a worthy opponent.
———————————————————————
An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?”
“Who told you that?” asked Paddy.
———————————————————————
Question – Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer – So the English can understand them.
——————————————————————–
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, “Not guilty.”
“That’s grand!” shouted Reilly. “Does that mean I can keep the money?”
——————————————————————–
Irish lass customer: “Could I be trying on that dress in the window?”
Shopkeeper: “I’d prefer that you use the dressing room.”
——————————————————————–
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, “Is that you I hear spittin’ in the vase on the mantle piece?”
“No,” said himself, “but I’m gettin’ closer all the time.”
——————————————————————–
Question – What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
Answer - A bachelor.
——————————————————————–
Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin’ at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home .
——————————————————————–
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. “Quick!” He said. “Send an ambulance, my wife is goin’ to have a baby!”
“Tell me, is this her first baby?” the intern asked.
“No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin’.”
——————————————————————–
“O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife’s appearance?”
“It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, “but it keeps fallin’ off!”
——————————————————————–
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
——————————————————————–
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a
week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
