Her diary, His diary...

Hoosier Daddy

Earache my eye...
Her diary; his diary

HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15
minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do..
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY:

Bike wouldn't start; can't figure it out. At least I got laid.
 
A Woman's Perfect Day

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22lbs

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers

10:00 Hot shower-alone

10:50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, crisp, white linen

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms


A Man's Perfect Day

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Nap en route to the airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 Limo to Barber Motorsports Park

9:45 Trackday (2 seconds faster than your best lap time)

11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, "bench racing" with Rossi

12:30 Finish out Trackday (cut another second from your lap time)

2:15 Limo back to airport

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle

5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Supermodel

6:45 Shit, shower and shave

7:00 Watch Speed channels coverage of MotoGP

7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream

9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 Night-cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
 
this is now the DTT joke thread!

a guy walks into the bicycle shop i work at, thrusting his hand up and down in a very subjective manner. Myself and my coworkers look at him strangely and the guy says "do you guys have a handpump?" with a blank kind of look on his face.


we burst out laughing, then the customer realizes why.
 
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