Problems with the in-laws......What would you do.

MILLENNIUM FALCON

MILLENNIUM FALCON

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So i need some advice. My brother in law of whom my wife and I do not care for, asked to borrow my 3 year old sons tricycle for a youth group function. I was not to keen to this idea because I knew that 100lb+ kids would be riding it (tricycle race). But my wife and I being the nice giving people we are decided to let them borrow it. They said if anything happened to it that they would replace it. I'm thinking if it were me I would have just bough a tricycle just for this event. Well they just returned it last night. When he dropped it off I didn't go out and look at it. (I didn't want to make a big deal about it) I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. As he was leaving he said, "the seat got bent a little but other than that it was fine." I thought no big deal I'll bend the seat back...but..........I went out to look at it this morning and..... The bent seat is the least of its problems. The forks are spread and bent backwards, the neck bearing are gone and the entire steering stem is slopping around in the neck with about 3/16 of an inch of slop all the way around. The bars are bent.(it was in great condition before they took it) If my son was to ride it in a straight line the bars would have to be turned to the left about 45 degrees.......Long story short it got tweaked up pretty bad and he tried to drop it of and say that it just needed the seat to be adjusted. That is what probably upset me the most. So, I thought about how to approach this situation in an adult manner. So I gave it 24 hours then I sent him an email. Out conversation went as follows...I removed the names.

ME-
"Hey Brother in-law, I just had a chance to look at that tricycle. I don't know if you had a chance to really look at it,but it is in really bad shape. I'm not trying to be picky, but I don't feel comfortable letting My son ride it. I don't know how you want to handle this........let me know. Thanks.

Brother in-law-
"Hey,
Thanks again for letting me borrow it. I guess I didn't look it over that closely. I noticed the seat was bent, but I thought that could be fixed. If you don't feel safe letting it be used, that's fine though.

I will replace it for you. I think your wife said that your son doesn't really ride it at the time being and with it being too cold to ride it within the next month I'd appreciate it if I could look for a deal on one over the next several months.

If I remember correctly I think my parents got that at a yard sale and gave it as a gift. If you'd prefer, I could give you $10 to look for a different one at a yard sale in the spring.

Just let me know what you prefer,"


This bike was a birthday gift for our son from my wives parents, but I dont really think that matters how we got it. The point is they borrowed something of my sons, destroyed it, then returned it. I realize this may seem petty but i just get sick of people doing this crap! I would have been embarrassed to return an item in this condition. I would have dropped off a brand new tricycle and an apology. I am sorry for the rant but I just needed some advice on how to responding this. My wife doesn't want me to start a family feud but I am ready to put on the war paint and start beating my drum!! WHAT WOULD YOU DO?????
 
Take your son out bike shopping - get him a two-wheeler with some training wheels, and chalk it up to your brother-in-law being the douche-bag both you and his own sister already figured he is.

No point even discussing it with him. Take the high road and don't loan him anything ever again.

Now, in say 17 years when your son is 20, when you and your brother-in-law are both drunk at a family reunion, pull the tricycle that he allowed to be trashed and tried to bail on 17 years earlier out of the trunk of your car and beat him senseless with it.

Best to wait on those sorts of things till your kids are grown :D
 
Tim's right, you can't "win" with someone who acts like that.

The reason that we get so P/O'd is because we are annoyed with ourselves for letting someone borrow something and annoyed with ourselves for letting them drop it off without checking it. That's what we do when we try to accommodate people who we know are D/Bs and we don't want to deal with them. We rationalize that we are giving them the benefit of the doubt, but really we are just avoiding a confrontation - which is usually a good idea.

The problem here is that you are trying to be reasonable and adult and he, isn't. The way to deal with it is to tell him politely that he it's his place to find a replacement. Don't expect him to do anything but put the onus back on him. No need to get annoyed with him for not replacing it because that's unlikely to happen any time soon, but it just establishes that he broke it and it's his responsibility to replace it. And then you can let go of the whole issue. It's in teh past and can remain there. You will leave it and move on.

Then you do as Tim suggested and get your son an upgrade for next spring/birthday/Christmas. And next time your BIL asks for something, give him a simple Sorry but that's not possible. No explanation. No rancorous exchanges. Just a simple, polite NO in whatever words you want to use, but as few of them as possible. If you say no and mean it, he will pretty quickly learn to leave you alone and not ask for your stuff.
 
Put it in the rafters of your garage and the next time he asks to borrow anything tel him sure come on over and get it. Doesn't matter if he asks to borrow a tricycle or a lawn mower or whatever. Hand him the trike when he gets there and tell him that's all you will ever lend him again. Take it or leave it. That sort of shit really pisses me off.
 
3 Year old needs to kick the brother in laws ass . (it's ok if you hold the dolt while the 3 year old wails on him )

Honestly , Have the brother in law go shopping with you and the 3 year old for the first bike .

Then again the visual of the kid kicking the dog snot out of the guy is irresistible .

~kop
 
Let me get this straight, so he borrows his nephews trike and returns it all bent and broken and then basically says "fuck you" when you confront him about it? No wonder you all don't care for him. He's an asshole. Just let it go for now, but at Thanksgiving dinner with the wife's family tell the story so everybody hears. And then get drunk and kick the shit out of him.
 
I am completely with Tim on this one. Just because your BiL is a douchebag does not mean that you should also resort to douchebaggery. Just "let it go." Your son will have outgrown that tricycle soon anyway. Kids grow pretty fast. Just go out and get him an upgrade. Next time the douchebag BiL asks to borrow something, you tell him to go fuck himself, and explain that the last time you lent him something, that he returned it destroyed and unusable, and accepted no responsibility for fucking over your son. Bottom line is that the tricycle has minimal value, while the lesson on your BIL's integrity is priceless.

Let it go, but if the subject ever comes up again, express in no uncertain terms that he is a douchebag and he should never ask you for anything again, E V E R.

I kinda like cyched's suggestion about kicking his sorry ass after Thanksgiving dinner, and I am sure the catharsis of doing so might even be worth the assault charge, but I would NEVER invite him into my home again. Just because he is "family" does not obligate you to have even a superficial relationship with him. I have family that I have not spoken to in years. All I have in common with them is some DNA. I don't have to like them, entertain them, or even speak to them. Our lives simply don't overlap anymore. My wife is the oldest of 12 siblings. I don't even know half of their names, we don't know where most of them live, or even if they are all alive. Most of them I wouldn't give the time of day to. That's life. Any drama I have in my life is not going to be unpleasant drama imposed upon me by people I don't have to relate to. YOU chose the people who are in your life, and people who detract from your quality of life have no place in it.
 
honestly, in a situation like that, i wouldn't even respond to all the stuff that doesn't pertain to the situation at hand, i.e. all the "oh, well your son doesn't really ride it," and "wasn't it only $10 at a yardsale?" ignore that and focus on the stuff that will help in rectifying the situation, i.e. "i will replace it for you or give you $10 for it, what do you prefer?"

the offer is there, albeit begrudgingly, and laden with attempts to back out of it. however, it seems he realizes that you aren't pleased with the returned condition and although he doesn't want to spend the money on a new one, he'll do it because it's the proper thing to do. and after all, that was the initial agreement.

i would let him know that i appreciate his offer to replace it, and i hate to be picky, but i'd feel a lot better if he did so. i would even calmly show him the problems the trike returned with, as you can't argue with proof like that. i would also let him know that i'd appreciate getting a new trike sooner than later, since you don't want the first beautiful day of spring to be spent looking for a trike, you want your son to spend it riding one! or if you feel your boy could sooner use a 2 wheeler and some training wheels, agree on a price for the busted piece and have your BiL contribute that towards an upgrade.

as far as a beating goes, i don't know how much of that was written jokingly, but it seems that although you don't care for your BiL, you at least care to be civil with him. so as good as some physical abuse might feel, i wouldn't go that route, haha. whatever you do, good luck, and keep us posted!
 
Thanks for all the advice guys! Some of it really made me feel better. I know taking the high road is the best ting to do for me and my family, and I plan on doing that. It is just very hard sometimes. I really like the thanksgiving beating idea. Maybe we will get a "friendly" game of tackle football going after dinner. Thanks again, I will update you if anything interesting happens. If you hear a news story about a douche-nugget being beaten to death with a tricycle.....I'll probably be on my way to Mexico. haha.
 
Simple life lesson. Noone was hurt, your brother in law is a DOUCHECICLE, don't lend him sh*t ever again! : ) Shiny new bike for junior on a great Dad.
 
Halloween's coming up - have your kid toilet paper his uncles house :) Or dress your kid up as a zombie - tricycle using parts from his now bent bike and show up at his uncles house looking for candy.
 
I'm with 7alive on this one. To me personally, family is important and conflict is never good. Things happen sometimes and I may leave things be - to a point- because it's family. I'm not saying you have to high five the guy every time he comes over and fill him up with beer like he's your best bud, but, big conflict over an old trike isn't worth it.

Even though he is clearly being a douche. I don't know the man but even I was pissed by him calling out the value of the trike like he did and stating it was a gift. You just KNOW, in his mind he's thinking, "why should I give him money? He didn't even buy it." I hate people who do that. It's not the value of the item; it's the principle. He fucked it up. He should have replaced it.

I leant a guy at work a tool he needed to get a job done. I knew it was risky but did it anyway. A couple of weeks passed and I actually needed the tool back. When I asked, he said he'd bring it. Days went by, with a couple of reminders and he finally brought it in. It was destroyed and completely unusable. I laughed and asked if he was serious. He said "What? It's only like 40 bucks." To which I responded, "Yes. 40 bucks that YOU will spend at the store buying the IDENTICAL tool, not some cheap knock-off, to replace it you......." You can imagine the rest.

It wasn't the $40. I don't care about the 40. It's the fact that there are people out there that think that it's OK to do that and somehow justify it in their minds!

To me, and most others, if I borrow ANYTHING and I damage it in any way, I replace it without question with the exact same thing or better. When I return whatever it is I borrowed, I bring both and explain. Still feel bad but at least they are happy.

I wouldn't get a feud going over this one but don't lend him anything else in future which is exactly what I did with the guy at work. Other folks? No probs.

Upgrade your son's kit. Let him help pick it out. He'll be pumped.

Sorry for any spelling issues. I typed this via Black Berry and it, and my sausage fingers don't get along. :)
 
Tim, that is the best idea ever for the zombie tricycle costume. hahah, i love it. and "newtomecb" I totally agree with what you said about your co worker. It is really sad how little respect people have for others and their belongings
 
Im not saying take it to threat level red but the only reason he continues to act the way he does is becouse his entire life hqs been like this getting away with one thing after another. All becouse people dont want to deal with him if you do pay for your sons bike that would be it for me like hes not welcome around your family at all ever again the second you hand the cashier the money it the thought that he is ok distroying your sons things and then wanting to bargin shop for them. are you kidding me. If you buy him a new bike be clear dont stop by dont call if you go to your mother in laws call ahead to make sure he not there
 
Oh - the other point you can make with your 3 year old (never too early) is that while his tricycle might have gotten a little banged up, it was ultimately for a good cause and that we should always do our best to contribute what we can when it's to the benefit of those less fortunate. Maybe spend 20 minutes with him 'fixing' up the tricycle and take it and him to the local Goodwill to donate it on your way to look for a replacement bike for him (which of course I'd recommend hitting the 2nd hand places for as buying new bikes for kids that age is kinda pointless unless there's a lineup of kids younger than him to hand it down to).
 
I agree with Brad. This guy needs to learn that he can't do this. I wouldn't beat his ass, seeing Daddy hauled off cause of a D.V. charge could be more than a little scarring. But I would definitly let the world know what a dickhead this guy is. IMHO there's a fine line between being civil and being a doormat. (Not that you're a doormat.)
 
Cut his head off and stick it on a pole in your front yard. Let the neighbors know that you don't fuck around.
 
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