update:
I took a peek inside the spark plug holes and saw rust. Not a huge amount, the 3rd piston is only dull, but they're not clean. So, per BrosMSU's advice I pulled the valve cover just to make sure that the cam chain hadn't lodged itself anywhere. Luckily it was sparkly clean in there! I mean really clean, not a speck of rust anywhere. The thing looked brand new. Then I went and bought some PB blaster and soaked the pistons. I also shot some on the oil filter bolt. My plan is to continuously douse the oil filter bolt with penetrating oil and not try to wrench on it again until the motor is unseized. No reason to get ahead of my self.
Do you guys think I absolutely have to pull the motor to get it back up and running? Since the rest of the engine looks so plausible (the carbs are clean and the generator was spotless), I'm hoping I can unfreeze it before it needs disassembling.