A question for the guys in relationships

Mr.E said:
All feelings and safety aside, I can't think of a single reason a guy would offer to take someone else's wife for a ride.
Click to expand...

That's kinda been nagging at me, to be honest. I'm not a jealous guy by nature (hell, I don't care if my wife dances with other dudes at weddings because I know she's coming home with me) but I can't shake that thought. Concerns I have yet to voice to her, because I know I can trust her. It's the guy I don't know about... If it was my best friend (and riding partner) I would have no problem. But I also know he would never ask her to get on his bike. She would basically have to insist on it before he'd do it.

CrescentSon said:
As to the actual issue, how did the question come up? If she came to you laughing, and said joe-schmoe asked me to ride his mid life crisis, you're cool. If she was caught smuggling out her riding gear in a duffel bag full of g-strings, you probably have bigger topics to address.
Click to expand...

She asked me:

would you be offended if I brought my helmet along so I could go on a ride?
Click to expand...

So obviously I think she knows she might be crossing a line... I know her, and I know she LOVES riding through beautiful scenery, and it's kinda hard to beat new england in early fall for that. That's the only reason she'd consider it.
 
I would definitely not be comfortable with my Mrs on the back of some other guy's bike and I'd tell her so.

My expectation would be that she would take what I said on board and reconsider he decision. I wouldn't make the decision for her, but I would assume that speaking to her about my feelings on the subject she would change her mind. It would not be unreasonable for me to expect her my feelings about the issue over something as trivial as a bike ride. If she went ahead and did it anyway, even after us discussing the issue, that's when I think the relationship would be unhealthy.

Relationships are about compromise, right? Both parties have expectations of one another and both parties need to make sacrifices from time-to-time. Two people living in the same house doing whatever they feel like with no regard to the other's wants and/or desires does not a relationship make.
 
scm said:
Crazy or not - it's her decision, isn't it?
Click to expand...


you're totally in the right. or maybe not. i mean i tell my wife not to go around kissing other guys. guess i should stop bossing her around. guess i should realize it's not the 1950's. ::)


when you enter into a marriage you give up living for yourself and making decisions based on what you want alone. the two become one and as a result you have to respect each other. there are things i no longer do because i'm married. shoot, there are things i no longer do because i have kids. not even bad things. just simple stuff in life that i had to give up for something better.


i trust my wife and wouldn't be concerned about her cheating. but i would not want her riding on the bake of anyone's bike. especially someone i don't know. and it comes down to the safety aspect. i also think it's fair that she asks you not to ride with a friend for safety so you can ask her not to ride with a friend for safety.
 
i think it is fully out of line for this guy to have offered to take your wife for a ride on the back of his bike. i may be a bit old fashioned but i can tell you now that there are things that are right and things that are not right. the decision in the end is your wifes, but if you even have to bring it up then you need to examine your relationship.
now all that being said, at a bike rodeo one time a guy who i did not know very well asked my wife to be his partner on the buddy ride. she asked me if i was ok with it and i said yes. i was right there the whole time and i told my wife to go have fun and win! and she did both! are they the same. probably not. the guy and my wife both asked me if i was alright with it. after the event a few guys came up and asked me what i thought and i just said well they won! there were people there though that thought my wife was open season and i had to straighten a couple of guys out. it wasnt the guy who asked in the first place he ended up being a great guy and very respectful but there were others who saw it differently. i am not saying live your life through other peoples perceptions i am just saying there are things that are right and there are things thjat are not right.
 
1 word... NO.... NEVER... i would never let anyone i know ride on the back with someone else unelss i have rode with them and know how they ride... i have buddies that ride like morons with girls on back to try and get a rise out of the passanger... unreal! my wife has rode on 3 other bikes than mine... my dad, bro, and best friend... that is all i woudl have her get on the back with and to be honest that is all she would trust. i would say HELL NO!
 
This is probably an unusual topic to come out of lurking mode on, but I have to react. As others have said, this guy is completely out of line for asking in the first place and putting your wife in the position of even having to comment on it. Moreover, if this is a work situation, it is completely unprofessional. And finally, unless this fellow routinely asks guys to jump on the back of his bike and take a ride through the beautiful countryside, then his intentions are not pure. Period.

My guess is that since you posed this issue on this public forum, it is eating at you. Fundamental to any marriage is the ability to speak openly about how you feel, even if how you feel is silly or tinged with jealousy. This issue certainly is not silly, so if it were me I would tell my wife that it is eating at me that this guy asked her to do this, and though I may be off base, it is nonetheless how I feel. I'd tell her that even though she might have an enjoyable afternoon, I would have a lousy afternoon knowing she is out having a nice time with another guy on the back of his bike. I would apologize to her for my emotions, but they are what they are. I don't think this is a trust (for her) issue. It is a respect (for you) issue. And I would lay the guilt on the other guy for not respecting how her husband may feel about it.
 
Okay, so the overwhelming majority of you guys seem to agree with me here. It's good to know I'm not crazy. Interestingly enough, I asked a couple friends who don't ride if they'd be okay with their wives riding on the back of some dudes bike, and they all said no too. But for them it was a bigger problem that they'd be hugging up on somebody else and less of a safety concern. Maybe safety is forefront in our minds because we all know what could go wrong on two wheels.

Thanks!
 
CleHF said:
This is probably an unusual topic to come out of lurking mode on, but I have to react. As others have said, this guy is completely out of line for asking in the first place and putting your wife in the position of even having to comment on it. Moreover, if this is a work situation, it is completely unprofessional. And finally, unless this fellow routinely asks guys to jump on the back of his bike and take a ride through the beautiful countryside, then his intentions are not pure. Period.

My guess is that since you posed this issue on this public forum, it is eating at you. Fundamental to any marriage is the ability to speak openly about how you feel, even if how you feel is silly or tinged with jealousy. This issue certainly is not silly, so if it were me I would tell my wife that it is eating at me that this guy asked her to do this, and though I may be off base, it is nonetheless how I feel. I'd tell her that even though she might have an enjoyable afternoon, I would have a lousy afternoon knowing she is out having a nice time with another guy on the back of his bike. I would apologize to her for my emotions, but they are what they are. I don't think this is a trust (for her) issue. It is a respect (for you) issue. And I would lay the guilt on the other guy for not respecting how her husband may feel about it.
Click to expand...

Respect... that's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, you're right, that aspect of it is definitely bugging me too. Especially the more I think about it. Lets be honest, riding two-up on a bike is a little more intimate than a couple of people sitting next to each other in a car (unless it's one of those old american cars with the bench seats.) Thanks for chiming in!
 
It's probably not about safety. That's an issue that just gets mentioned because it helps us to rationalize our jealousl. I'll just call it what it is; I'd be jealous. If some dude wants my Mrs on the back of his bike I better damn well know why. A trip through the countryside? Fuck that. Her car broke down and got her to a pay phone? Different issue.
 
Sonreir said:
It's probably not about safety. That's an issue that just gets mentioned because it helps us to rationalize our jealousl. I'll just call it what it is; I'd be jealous. If some dude wants my Mrs on the back of his bike I better damn well know why. A trip through the countryside? Fuck that. Her car broke down and got her to a pay phone? Different issue.
Click to expand...

Yes and no. Jealousy may play a bigger part in it than I'm willing to admit, but honestly safety is my primary concern. I wouldn't know what to say to my in-laws if anything happened to her.
 
I skimmed, and skipped the posts that looked excessively pissed off.


But if you're still interested in an opinion on the original post. I've been married for almost two years, and have a 5 month old daughter. If I were in your' place I'd have to say that it's ultimately her decision, but I'd be very very uncomfortable with it, and I'd let her know my concerns. I wouldn't want her (or later my daughter) on anyones' bike that I don't know and trust. I can't imagine the question ever coming up though because I don't think she'd ever be tempted to, both due to the safety question and the fact that she just wouldn't care to.


The jealousy thing I'm not so sure about though. Which isn't to say that if that's a concern of yours it's irrational or unimportant, your' feelings should always be relevant in a healthy relationship. To remove that factor I just think of my daughter on the back of some unknown yahoos bike and I don't feel any better about that. If someone's on the back of my bike I'm responsible for their safety (and comfort) and I take that very seriously. If I don't know for a fact that this other guy feels the same way about it and I trust him I don't want any of my girls anywhere near him.
 
What a scumbag this guy is. I could never imagine offering a co-worker a ride, even if they weren't married. That's just creepy and inappropriate.


This didn't get a whole lot of mention but the tiny fact of the riding position of the passenger plays a very big part for me.


I'm sure most of us try to deny this but think of it this way; If I were to give my best friends wife a ride on my bike there would be a part of me that is "aware" of the close body contact going on. I'm not saying it would be awkward of wrong, but I as the driver in control and having all the power, the situation is ego driven. The passenger just holds on for dear life as a safety concern.


But yeah, I'd be non-to-thrilled to have my wife involved in any part of this.
 
^^^^There is this done. Call it safety or jealousy it aint right. Just asked my wife she said no for both reasons the huggin another dude and her safety. My wife rides so she know the what goes into riding. Your wife may not realize how much is involved and thought the scenery would be nice was the only reason she considered it. You voiced your concerns shes cool with it I bet and wont bring her helmet.
 
Jacob Agaetis said:
What a scumbag this guy is. I could never imagine offering a co-worker a ride, even if they weren't married. That's just creepy and inappropriate.
Click to expand...

I've given female coworkers rides before, and friends girlfriends, and dates, and I know people that I'd be fine with my wife riding with. As long as everyone knows each other and is fine with all of it there doesn't have to be a problem. That's not the situation discussed.
 
mysta2 said:
I've given female coworkers rides before, and friends girlfriends, and dates, and I know people that I'd be fine with my wife riding with. As long as everyone knows each other and is fine with all of it there doesn't have to be a problem. That's not the situation discussed.
Click to expand...


Sorry, the co-worker thing is very off limits in my line of work, so I'm still sticking with my original statement. I'm sure there are many instances where there would be nothing wrong with it and by no means was my intent to suggest that only your significant other was meant to ride along. I too have had friends girlfriends/wives, dates, and even friends mothers as passengers. My comment was indeed meant for this situation alone.
 
if you throw out the safety aspect (this guy might be a very caution and confident rider), this just comes down to trust. Do you trust her? if so, let her maker her own decisions. End of story.
A relationship without trust is not a relationship anyone should be a part of.
 
Yes, the inter-office politics and line of work that you're in I'm sure would have an affect on that one way or another.


...or is it effect, I still don't ever know which one to use.
 
i will say... girls come in with their men to the shop all the time and ask to go for a ride on a chopper or harley all the time... my wife thinks taking a chick on the back of the bike is just the same as hooking up with her hahaha so only if wifey is cool with it i will take a girl for a scoot... when ever they ask i always look at the husband/BF for approval or nay NO, but i never offer... never.

I think it is kind of funny how worked up people get about it... last year i went wtih my dad to a retirement home... he took a 89 year old lady for a ride, she had never been on a harley in her LIFE, her father would not allow it, and then her husband when she was married... you have never seen someone so happy to have the wind in her face... went aroudn the block and back and she laughed and told him "better fill up this tank cause we aint' done yet" i laughed my tail off... we only did a short 20/30 miles as she was pretty old and frail but i tell ya... sometimes it is a good thing to put someone elses lady on back
 
vtwin650 said:
if you throw out the safety aspect (this guy might be a very caution and confident rider), this just comes down to trust. Do you trust her? if so, let her maker her own decisions. End of story.
A relationship without trust is not a relationship anyone should be a part of.
Click to expand...

I can't throw out the safety aspect, because like I said, I don't know the guy. I have to reiterate what I tried to express in the first post: I wouldn't have a problem with my wife riding on another guy's bike if I knew him and trusted him and his riding abilities. And I do fully trust her. The only lack of trust here is with this other guy. And I think it's shady to offer another man's wife a ride. Plain and simple. That alone is enough for me to question his motives. It would be a different story if she asked him, but she didn't. He offered. I would never do that.
 
<<PS Dogs comments are from a single man I figure.>>

You figure wrong. I have been married for 32 years. (All to the same woman, BTW.)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

DTT Light or Dark

  • DTT Light
    • www.jadusmotorcycleparts.com
    www.lostapostle.ca/
    www.sparckmoto.com

    Spread the Love

    Back
    Top Bottom